DoS jokes
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.