"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?
An octobrave.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
