DoS jokes
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
Why do disabled people get picked on so much?
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
What do you call an Asian? A-chan.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.