What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
Why do French people like to eat snails so much?
They can't stand fast food.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What do you call a nervous Jedi?
Panakin.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
