What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
Q: What do you call a man in a wheelchair?
A: Disabled.
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
What do you call a lazy potato chip? Lays!
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What do you call a flamingo with 20 toes?
A flamingo.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
