DoS jokes
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
What do you call an Asian? A-chan.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
What does a robot do after a one night stand?
He nuts 'n bolts!
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
How do you name a Chinese person?
You drop a metal spoon on a tile floor.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.