DoS jokes
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?
A: The honor roll.
Some people don't appreciate what I do for a living.
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What is the difference between a dog and a cat?
I don't know either.
Why do you think I asked you? ;)
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
When do you go at stop and stop when done?
I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.