DoS jokes
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store.
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
Do you wanna hear a Gay Joke...
Butt fuck it.
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
Do you like fish sticks?
If you do, you're a gay fish.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What do you call a three-legged cow?
Disabled.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Sinocyclocheilus anophthalmus.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!
Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?
A: My sister.
What do you get from pampered cows?
Spoiled milk.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
What do you call a Mongolian swindler?
A Khan artist.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.