DoS jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a thicc boy... big boi?
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food!
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!