DoS jokes
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
What did the stepbrother and stepsister do together?
Oof, mitosis!
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.
What do people say to knights when they go to bed? Good knight!
A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"