DoS jokes
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"
A: So they can look at their a**.
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
Because they'll get a hole in one!
What do you call a duck with no head?
Your mom gay.
What did the airplane say to the paper plane? Why do you look like a wimp?
Why don't orphans do homework?
They don't have a home to do it in.
Why are orphans rude at school?
What's the school going to do? Call their parents?
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."
The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."
What do a blonde and a cow have in common?
They're both fat af.
What do blind people take for granted? Sight.
Do atoms eat booty? No, because they are too cool. ;)
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."