Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass? An INVESTIGATOR
How does a cow do math? With a cow-culator
Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball. Because he didn't have the guts to do it
What do you call a cow with all of his legs -high steaks
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
hi mom how are you doing
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?
"Gene-ious!"
what do you call a pig?
pig
What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.
