DoS jokes
What do you call your sister who only has one leg?
Ei-lean.
On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.
The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"
The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."
Hahaha
There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have a mother's or father's day.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!