DoS jokes
How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
Why is Uranus like paper? Because you do see the other side.
If Uranus was a dick, then why do they make Uranus?
What do plus a nut and a pee make?
Pee-nuts.
What do plus a pee and a nut... Nut pees, wait, pee nuts.
Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.
Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.
Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.
Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?
Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.
What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?
The NBA.
What kind of poops do ghosts take? A spooky dookie.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces!! HAHAHA
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
How do you call an American bee?
USB.
How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?
Marry her.
I do not understand why people aren't scared of spiders. I mean, like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 23864867759578590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes.
I saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THERE?????????
Nope. I'm moving to Japan.
KONNICHIWA
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.