Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What do you call Miles Morales Spider-Man from Europe?
Kilometers Morales.
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
Where do otters come from? Otter space.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.
Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?
suck a big cock.
I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."
What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
