DoS jokes
What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.
What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?
Womxn
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie with Batman?
Two family reunions!
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
Do you know what the "f" in "orphan" stands for? Family. Oh wait, there is no "f."
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
How do you call a mirror and an orphan?
Family reunion.
What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.