Girl: Come Over. Orphan: I can't. Girl: My parents aren't home ;) Orphan: Just two things I don't have.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight" He was priest.
A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing
surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that they're arms don't get tired..
Nurse: Don't worry i'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yea, i always abort them. Parent:... Parent: Your hired
"Don't worry! Life goes on" "Yeah that's what's had me worried"
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman. Oh just me... OK
Why cant two Asians have a white kid. Because to wongs don't make a white.
Teacher: what's 3 minus 1? Me: i don't know Teacher: how about this, you have three cakes, I take one how many cakes do you have? Me: three Teacher: If I take one cake from your three what do you have? Me: three cakes and a dead teacher. 👑
I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "you mathematicians don't know your limits."
My grandma asked me if I could visit her
I told her no I don’t like graveyards
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
Expectation: Brr, I’m cold! Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!
Reality: Brr, I’m cold! Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather.
Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe" He didn't make it either.
Today a child asked if I was an angle, I asked why and he said "mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
My friend was feeling low today so I went up to her and said "You know I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life" I don't think she likes me now
Parents: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage, Kid: why? Parents: so you don't get bored there
whats the worst thing to say to an emo. if you don't succeed the first time try try try again
