I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died because they don't fear him anymore
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her "Don't worry I used to work with kids."
Why don't Indians play soccer? -Coz every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.
horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
Whats the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.
why is orphan so scared of the dark they don't have a dad to check the closet,
Why don't midgets use tampons? Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a Suicide bomber in a wheel chair? A RC-XD.
What is the difference between a Apple and a Orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
I'm friends with only 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do it's my ankle.
(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Every wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
The made the toys
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
If at first it don't succeed try, try again.
F is for friends who don't talk to you. U is for Ur alone. N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
