Days ago jokes
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
Hey, I misplaced 2.1 trillion a few days ago, on September 7th, 2001.
Memes
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Memes
Community
guys not to be so chronically online that im back here after a year and a half😣 but where is everyone? flappy and amy and sah and chex them
(flappy bird i KNOW you were on this site a few days ago thats right i stalked your profile ho get back on here and say hi imy)
@matt So ik it's I shouldn't tell you how to do your job, Bur I jsut wanna suggest somethings that would help wje (mainly the community) out alot.
1st a way easier way to navigate comments.
Maybe a list you can get in the profile page? It would help with deleting comments in a more efficient manner and also finding a specific conversation you wish to reread.
Maybe you could filter it by time (in or out of a certai… Read more
Dear Sarah,
Your last comment was 3 days ago. You use your phone about 3-4 hours daily. You have a boyfriend, and possibly are in the field of medicine, although I can't be sure. You're right handed. (By "possibly" in the field of medicine I mean you don't seem to be in it yet, but you may be working towards it.) Ok, so you're definitely not in the field yet and are most likely in high school. You like horror, and y… Read more