Canning jokes
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
Why can you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?
You can never tell.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.
Cool people: I can do anything.
Normal people: I can do nothing.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.