My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
Why can you bully an orphan? Because they can’t tell their parents
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
Why do orphans commit crimes?
So they can be wanted for once.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
Why do orphans go to church?
It's the only place where they can call someone "father."
Why can orphans never walk home? because theres no way to go
Wife, I look fat can you compliment me. blind husband says you have perfect eyesight
He’s so short no one can see you very close by.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
