Canning jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can never get a home run.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

You can't see me, but when I smile, you can.

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

Why can you never trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?

You can never tell.

What is the similarity between math and buildings?

Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.

How can a man make the world safer?

By having the chop.

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.