Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
Canning Jokes
Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.
So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"
The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.
White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."
Why can Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
Can you be my daddy? 🍌😘😉
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
They can never find home.
I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.
Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.
Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
