Both jokes
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
What's similar between McDonald's and priests?
They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"