Both jokes
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
I don't know, what?
They are both purple except for the elephant.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.