Both jokes
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Cause he would never look both ways.
Apparently terrorists and Japs are the same; they both went kamikaze.
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 32,” is the reply.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
“I was behind you at McDonalds’."
What does Fortnite and real life have in common?
They both lost their tower.
Your mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you?
None, you are both dead on the inside. Lol.
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.
What do a black and a tornado have in common?
They both wreck neighborhoods.
What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?
They both fell on my dad.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.
What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact in Europe.
What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?
They both have a hole in one.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot, but they're both quiet.