Both jokes

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?

They both come in small can.

What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

They both have plastic in them.

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?

They can both carve a new emotion.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?

They both have eyes.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

What do emo kids and bats have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

What do emos and a bird nest have in common?

They both hang from a tree.

Yo mama's so fat, she's both in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean.