Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
