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Are jokes

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.

“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"

“Yes," replied Hodja.

“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.

Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.

The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.

“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"

“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

What are three things you can't give a black guy?

A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."