And jokes

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?

They lower you.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?

I want to fuck them both.

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.

What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?

I don't know. I forgot.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

What's the difference between your mom and a troll?

Nothing, they both look the same.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!