And jokes
David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?
Answer: David.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
A hamburgur walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve food here."
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
What do you (anyone) and a joke not have in common?
Jokes have meanings.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What is this thing with Alya and Alex?
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
Me and freshfry talking.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hang to with a sledge hammer, the other is just a watermelon.
What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.