And jokes
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?
He should just go to his mom and dad!
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What are an orphan's least favorite shows?
"Full House" and "Fuller House."
If you're bored, just punch an orphan!
What are they gonna do...tell their parents?
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
Your mama so slow, she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”