And jokes
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?
Friends, gather here.
Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
EVERYONE:
"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
What do Hiroshima and Herobrine have in common?
They're not heroes.
What do a circle and a sphere have in common?
They're round, and round is a shape.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?
They're sus.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.