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What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?

They can't be way too loud.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.

Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.

A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."

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    • What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.

    What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?

    A snake has a home to go to underground.

    What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

    An apple can trace back its family tree.

    What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?

    People actually want stuff in a supermarket.

    I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

    "I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.

    "Give me the good news first," the patient said.

    "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."

    "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

    "I've been trying to reach you for two days."