And jokes

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

Why do orphans hate the letter FMD? Because F stands for "family," M stands for "mom," and D stands for "dad."

Why did they call it "Aqua Claudia"?

Because it carried water, and another word for water is aqua. Duh!

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!

What was the last thing that went through PH's head?

Water and smoke.

What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?

They always come back.

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

Texas be like everything is bigger here: guns and winter storms!

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

An apple and an emo kid fell from a tree, which one hit the ground?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

What do / and \ have in common?

They have different results.

No one will fight me, who is brave and strong enough to beat this beta simp femboy?

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."