And jokes

Eastern Europe and Western Europe is a joke.

What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?

Not my problem.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.

I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.

In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?

A train driver's egg sandwich.

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

What do emos and a bird nest have in common?

They both hang from a tree.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”