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Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.

When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺

What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?

Little kids leave preschool.

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    • What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

    They both get turned on by kids.

    My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.

    What do emo kids and bats have in common?

    They both hang from trees.

    What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

    My dad didn't beat cancer.

    When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

    A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

    A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.

    Yeah, that was the punchline.

    When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.

    Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.

    Q: What's the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic? A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete