And jokes

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.

What's the similarity between an emotional and a leaf?

The emo is still hanging.

cock, cock, and cum

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.

What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

What's the difference between a Black person and a White person? Nothing, are you racist?

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?

Toothpaste.

POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

What's a footlong and slippery?

A slipper.