And jokes
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
What do the Twin Towers and a bad joke have in common? They never land well.
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
What is white and 9 inches?
Nothing.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!
He's a hot babe and he's single.
What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?
They both have a hole in one.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.
Nobody still wanted them.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
What's the difference between a blind man and a window?
The window can see through itself.
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"