And jokes

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?

Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?

Naked and Afraid.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?

Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".

What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.

What’s the difference between apples and orphans?

One of them has a family tree.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.