And jokes

A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

What do you call someone without a body and a nose? Nobody knows.

You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What does an orphan wish they could do?

Wish happy Mother's Day and Father's Day.

Your hairline is so wonky, "Wheels on the Bus" goes round and round on your hairline.

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

What's the difference between a crumbled man and 9/11... nothing, they're both crumbled.

What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?

"Dine and dash."

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.