And jokes
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
What's long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.