And jokes
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What's the difference between depression and a girl?
XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.