And jokes

Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?

A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don't get them!

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.