And jokes
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
Guys go to this link......................................................................................https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5b3937c1a328f6072c316bd6/hey-guys-who-wants-to-play-roblox-with-me-we-can-go-om-cool-maps-my-name-is-xx_robloxgamer420_xx-pleeease-lets-play-rol......................................................................and read it bum. Don't dislike cuz it'd retarded.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.