And jokes
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.