And jokes

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.

Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.

Shaenaya is single, 16, and looking for a 30 year old man that can pleasure her, huh?

Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.

Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.

What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?

Pot roast.

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.