And jokes

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Kid 1: "Fortnite is good and Brawl Stars sucks!"

Me: Wow, I didn't know you were dyslexic.

Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."

Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.

Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.

Me and my cancer

Are like a game of Fortnite.

I’ll never win.

One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.

Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).

What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.

There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.

Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.

The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.

The man asks, "Is it your first time?"

The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."

If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.

And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.