And jokes

"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.

You wanna know why the Titanic was split in half? The iceberg hit it from the front and back.

What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?

They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.

5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

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  • Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.

    One fell off and bumped his head.

    The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

    "Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"

    Teacher: Tell me what's the solution of this equation? 30g + 24y + 15a - x^3 = 0

    Student: 69 gay = xxx

    Teacher: You're out!!!

    Student lies down on the floor, and then teacher starts f...ing him ^_*

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