All jokes

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

Person 1: Somebody farted.

Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.

Johnny, Johnny?

Yes, Papa.

Eating sugar?

Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.

Smoking? Telling lies?

Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

You know you're high when you hold all your pineapples hostage and yell, "SpongeBob, I know you're in there!"

I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.

Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂

What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."

All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."