All jokes
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
The Twin Towers ordered two pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plane.
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because it's all about family!
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.
Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.
Why are all orphans criminals?
Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.
Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!
I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Why were the Twin Towers workers disappointed? Because they ordered a ham and cheese, but all they got was a plane.
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
I watched a documentary called "Redline Carrera: Birth of the Memes." It all started with Paul Walker.
All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.