pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA because all the black guys are playing.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.
what did Germany and Austria do after ww2?
accepted all art students
Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized!
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized.
There was an emo kid in their room, boom, they're all gone, now.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
What's the difference between MJ and myself?
Nothing at all.
